Sunday to-do-list

1. Back-up data in my Macbook & PC /done
2. Reformat PC = dual boot XP & Ubuntu (adamz tulung sia!) /pending
3. Upload tons of photos to my picasa & flickr /pending
4. List down applications that I have downloaded & frequently used /done
5. Back up of phone book list /done
6. Burn all movies in my HD to DVD /pending
7. Reformat my iPod. /done
8. Need to buy Leopard /ahhh..when??
9. Need to figure out why I can’t open my camera phone app /:(
10. Clean my macbook (with the iKlear; not wash it off with water silly!) /darn!
11. Clean my room (urgh!) /yeah rite..
12. Soak my hair with olive oil /I better to go the salon
13. manicure & pedicure /yep
14. I swear tomorrow i’ll have JUST one cup of coffee /failed
15. I need to do facial too! /yes. buy clinique facial wash too
16. Finish up my PS I Love You, Chariot of the gods, The Elegant Universe book. /i’m kiddin myself
17. Need to survey on the flat screen for my PC /done
18. Buy a mouse for my mac. Mighty mouse! i WANT! /ahh..when?
19. Need to do whole body scrubbing. ha.ha /anyone wanna help me?

So, overall, my sunday would be my beauty & geek day. ROFL LMAO!

(updated January 14, 2008)

Chaotic!

Do you know when you get some opportunity to reduce the pain you expected you would endure later in life, you would grab the opportunity straight away?

Any normal people will do. Including me.

Not that I’m going to face the expected result in not the hard way but everyone will choose the path where when they fall, they try not to fall ‘that’ hard.

The same goes with me. I chose not to fall hard so I decided, making choices to reduce the pain & expected when the time come, I will NOT fall that hard.

Guess I was wrong.

I fall harder than I expected due to the opportunity I get earlier. I can’t believe I let the emotion take control over me again. I am in control. My mind always in control of me, apart from my good senses that help in future prediction etc. but it seems that I can’t control my emotion.

I didn’t realize I put more attention & emotion to the opportunity so that I will reduce the pain earlier. Lesson learned. Don’t mix feelings with physical.

I cried. For hours. Trying to let go. I have to let go. I need to let it go.

Chaotic! Ring the bell? though I try to reduce the noise for the initial condition & expected it will happen the way it should be/ or what we normally called it deterministic; but it doesn’t happen that way. the chaos behavior resulted in the end. chaos.

iDa oh iDa, you already learned Newton is not always right; deterministic not ruling the world. Some aspect might be unpredictable & does not happen randomly or even how you think it should be. Gosh, iDa- got to learn to see world differently. I got to take into consideration of the butterfly effect.

My guess that no one will understand what is this post all about. This is too personal which I don’t share with anyone else. But I need to let it go, whether in tears or in words.
I NEED to. I HAVE to.

The whole day i was out with my college friend for movie & hang out. We had lunch at the Gardens café, the one in front of the Isetan. I had chicken pie & we share coffee tiramisu. The pie wasn’t that nice. I mean I tried some other places with much more nicer than this one. Anyway, tiramisu was nice though because it was coffee-flavored. We took plenty of pictures with the food & the Christmas décor in Midvalley & the Gardens. (check out my Facebook!)

We watched Enchanted movie, so-called the new age fantasy fairy tale + musical. It was a nice movie to watch during this festive seasons. It reminds you of the happily ever after, snows, true love & happiness.

I want to believe there is magical in this world; that somehow it will happen in everyone’s life. But until now, I’m drenched with reality. Reality is so cruel. But I never stop believing. I will continue believe that there will be some magical that will create happiness in your life. In everyone’s life I mean. Minus the background music, snows, glittering light & any other cameo that usually featured in the fairy tale movie though. He.he.

I feel I have so much to say and yet, I can’t really express it into words. I will write again later when I can put all my feelings into words. Yes, impossible task.

2 hours later

ah, I’m being melodramatic.

Lust?

Okay this may sound odd, but I feel like writing again today. I need this to get out of my chest. It’s been burdening me for the past few months. The title may sound so bold but the meaning I am trying to explain me is not as bold as it look. Lust? Not in the term of sexual desire; I mean it more into craving for something such as attention, going back to the specific situation you like. It’s like wanting to go back to the situation where you felt good about. Lust. I am talking about the addiction to go back to the situation where I want it to not to end. What exactly I am talking about here is that I want to retain some specific situation that happened in my life & repeat it over and over again.

Another example, if you like the taste of coffee every morning, you want to have it every morning then. The feeling is like that. Thought you can’t get through the day without having a cup of coffee. Even if you don’t manage to get one in the morning, you will be in constant wondering on when are you going to get one. I am in constant wondering of repeating that specific situation where I would like it to be repeated again, soon. But when? Days becoming weeks; weeks becoming months. And I’m losing hope. Not that I’ll die without having it repeated again but it’s just that the feeling of disappointment will appear.

OK, maybe I should change the title from lust to addiction. Or perhaps, craving.

Whatever it is, bothers me now & I need to make a full stop out of it. How am I going to get it out of my system? I don’t know what to think or how to think to tackle this situation anymore. I don’t know what is the best way to get over it without being into any trouble with my emotion that leads to inappropriate behavior. Shall I talk to somebody? No. It’s not my nature to spill something that bothering me to another Homo sapiens. I’ll just have to get though it myself. All by myself; so yeah. I am going off now.